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| I've loved few things as much as I love Phe... 💖 |
The giggling continued as I hopped into my beautiful Phe-Phe to move her back into her normal plug in posi on the other side of the caravan, named ‘Nix’ in case anyone is curious (yes, also short for Phoenix... I love a theme 🐦). I got the immediate and distinct ‘sense’ that she had certainly not been started up, moved, and/or re-parked in anything resembling the correct sequence. And full disclosure, by ‘sense’ I mean Phe ‘told’ me in a very playful and comical way because, I am not now, nor have I ever been, normal… Cars have always ‘talked’ to me; a fact I know but am otherwise unable to convince my logically skeptical brain to believe (...elucidated a bit further below 👌). There was objective evidence accompanying this sense as well, the brake pedal was harder than normal to depress and the steering wheel was locked… Still chuckling, I delighted in my neighbour’s frustration and pondered, in my esoteric way, why had they gotten so riled up? 🐇🤔
The next morning on the row machine it came to me, as so many epiphanies do… FEEDBACK! My neighbour is a professional agriculture machinery engineer, literally traveling the World to design, create and drive heavy ag equipment, it naturally follows that...
- They’re used to loud diesel motors that immediately give them direct feedback that they are running and ready to go.
- They’re extremely adept at fixing complex motor issues, and this lack of feedback must have provoked the pain of ineptitude… without the sound of an engine, they were now in unchartered territories, having to learn something new on the fly.
No Noise/Sound = No Feedback = Confusion, Frustration and Other Icky Emotions
In a flash this seemingly trivial occurence reaffirmed what has been true during my own adventure, as well as being a main topic of conversations in my role as a leadership development and high performance facilitator… feedback is essential for performance and improvement, and it comes in many forms from blatantly obvious to extremely sneaky and subtle (i.e. diesel motor versus electric motor).
The rhythmic rowing guided my introspective reflections on how my version of the electric motor issue manifests in my life, and it didn’t take long for the answer to arrive… online facilitation! When I facilitate workshops in person I’m damn-near unshakable, I can deal with all manner of weird and wonderful disturbances… late or absent participants (both physically and mentally), tech issues, extremely unexpected or challenging shifts in the conversation, or disruptive behaviours; I’m a confident verbal and non-verbal communicator. I pride myself on my adaptability and the ease with which I can seamlessly and inconspicuously course correct. Yet that tenacity flies out the virtual window as soon as I switch over to an online format. Since we learn by reflecting and not by doing, the reason underpinning this discrepancy elucidated me until I considered my neighbours conundrum and compared it to my own… I, like my neighbour, wasn’t getting the FEEDBACK I was used to receiving from a room full of warm bodies... feedback I required to feel fully competent and resilient. 💡💥
As someone who identifies as an Empath, I’m alive with the vibes in the room and getting constant verbal and non-verbal feedback; a shift, a sigh, eyes narrowed in concentration, a cheeky smile, nods, a lean in with mouth agape cuing me that someone has something to say, or a slouch down in avoidance… it’s all happening simultaneously and its all feedback, I just ‘read’ it faster than my conscious mind can process so I hadn’t been perceiving it that way. Compare that to the virtual vacuum of online calls and I’m literally flying blind. To compensate and get the feedback I need I have to focus on each video individually instead of reading the entire room at once, I must ask more questions to draw out verbal feedback that I would typically get without words, and listen carefully for their tone as well. It’s maddening, and it takes a lot more energy. My capacity to handle setbacks is of course eroded, I literally have less energy to spend troubleshooting and it takes longer to do so... Maddening I say! 
A Note About Whimsical Non-Auditory Bio-Feedback
For those who are uncomfortable with the spiritual aspects of the noun Empath, know that one half of my brain empathises (hehe! 😅)… My scientific and naturally skeptical brain hemisphere spent much of my youth demanding the opposite hemisphere experiencing the emotions of others was downright crazy. This was one of the main contributors to my constant anxiety. There’s nothing like a ceaseless internal battle between cognitive hemispheres do drive inner turmoil and self doubt! 💩😳
The good news for all of us is that there is a perfectly rational explanation! As humans I think we often forget that WE ARE ANIMALS, and the science is clear… animals communicate non-verbally. Whether it’s a dog partaking in a nose-to-bum ‘meet and greet,’ an army of ants following that curiously straight-lined pheromone-guided path home, the mischievous look a cat dons right before it pushes something off a countertop, or two Homo habilis having a perfectly loving and functional relationship without the perceived ‘benefits’ of language; we communicate non-verbally far more than we do verbally. The difference is that instead of relying on words, we ‘hear’ with our eyes, our nose, our touch and even through all manner of crazy ass receptors covering our body that detect shit we can’t see... Hell, the sun doesn't need to scream 'GOOD MORNING' for us to wake at dawn as photons begin to tickle our eyelids (at least that's what would happen if we didn't elect to have our phones bellow ringtones at us 🔊).
In a flash this seemingly trivial occurence reaffirmed what has been true during my own adventure, as well as being a main topic of conversations in my role as a leadership development and high performance facilitator… feedback is essential for performance and improvement, and it comes in many forms from blatantly obvious to extremely sneaky and subtle (i.e. diesel motor versus electric motor).
The rhythmic rowing guided my introspective reflections on how my version of the electric motor issue manifests in my life, and it didn’t take long for the answer to arrive… online facilitation! When I facilitate workshops in person I’m damn-near unshakable, I can deal with all manner of weird and wonderful disturbances… late or absent participants (both physically and mentally), tech issues, extremely unexpected or challenging shifts in the conversation, or disruptive behaviours; I’m a confident verbal and non-verbal communicator. I pride myself on my adaptability and the ease with which I can seamlessly and inconspicuously course correct. Yet that tenacity flies out the virtual window as soon as I switch over to an online format. Since we learn by reflecting and not by doing, the reason underpinning this discrepancy elucidated me until I considered my neighbours conundrum and compared it to my own… I, like my neighbour, wasn’t getting the FEEDBACK I was used to receiving from a room full of warm bodies... feedback I required to feel fully competent and resilient. 💡💥
A Note About Whimsical Non-Auditory Bio-Feedback
For those who are uncomfortable with the spiritual aspects of the noun Empath, know that one half of my brain empathises (hehe! 😅)… My scientific and naturally skeptical brain hemisphere spent much of my youth demanding the opposite hemisphere experiencing the emotions of others was downright crazy. This was one of the main contributors to my constant anxiety. There’s nothing like a ceaseless internal battle between cognitive hemispheres do drive inner turmoil and self doubt! 💩😳
The good news for all of us is that there is a perfectly rational explanation! As humans I think we often forget that WE ARE ANIMALS, and the science is clear… animals communicate non-verbally. Whether it’s a dog partaking in a nose-to-bum ‘meet and greet,’ an army of ants following that curiously straight-lined pheromone-guided path home, the mischievous look a cat dons right before it pushes something off a countertop, or two Homo habilis having a perfectly loving and functional relationship without the perceived ‘benefits’ of language; we communicate non-verbally far more than we do verbally. The difference is that instead of relying on words, we ‘hear’ with our eyes, our nose, our touch and even through all manner of crazy ass receptors covering our body that detect shit we can’t see... Hell, the sun doesn't need to scream 'GOOD MORNING' for us to wake at dawn as photons begin to tickle our eyelids (at least that's what would happen if we didn't elect to have our phones bellow ringtones at us 🔊).
So, am I 'hearing' my car bad-mouth my neighbour, ‘feeling’ someone else’s emotions, and 'reading' someone's energy through an enigmatic spiritual magic? Or am I downloading my car's objective data faster than my brain can comprehend, and detecting some sort of invisible chemical emitted by a person's body and combining that with their posture and breathing rate? I have no clue… but remaining OPEN to all possibilities is how I keep my hemispheres balanced and maintain the peace between all my intelligence centres.
What feedback is someone or something trying to give you?
What ‘noisy’ feedback might you need to give when your ‘silent’ feedback isn’t working?
What is the difference between being an Empath, versus someone experiencing Empathy, versus someone who DISPLAYS Empathy (but may not actually feel it)?
