We'll take a wee diversion from the normal rabbit hole on this one and dive into a pit of snakes instead; what fun!
There was a particular period of my emotional adventure when I profoundly poked the inner bear of my emotions, prompted by leadership courses taken as part of my career development. Well, that as well as an awareness through my history with anxiety that I, along with my entire family, have a proclivity for chronic emotional suppression. Step one of this adventure involved waking up to the dichotomous nature of my feelings and their origins. Now, step two necessitates managing and finding ways to cope, process and let go of these emotions in a healthy way so that I do not return to the realm of chronic panic or become prone to bouts of spontaneous rage. Effectively, developing into an emotionally mature adult. Someone who has their shit together and doesn't cry or become defensive at inappropriate times.
Significant shifts in my awareness typically result from strong visualisations I experience while running, meditating or listening to certain songs. The basis for today's topic is a prime example, and it succinctly and hilariously reflects who I am to my core.
From time to time I become overwhelmed by multiple and conflicting emotions, so with my new heart-felt intention to connect with my feelings on a deeper level I bravely entered the deeper layer of my consciousness to confront this inner turmoil.
On one such occasion, upon closing my eyes, I almost immediately found myself looking down into a pit of snakes; a writhing well of hundreds of snakes coiling in, around and amongst each other. It was absolute chaos, colourful yet gut-wrenching. Though afraid of the snakes and more than a bit apprehensive about joining the melee, I was steadfast. Determined to love, understand and learn from these damned snakes, each and every one, come hell or high water, I knew what must be done. I'd sort them out!
I saw myself literally roll up my sleeves and jump into the pit. Meticulously and methodically I'd pick up one snake, untangle it with care and reverence, and lay it on the ground straight as an arrow. Onto the next one I went, but the first would begin to twist and move back to its original entropic state. Regardless, I continued with fervor. Soon I was sweating with the effort of keeping so many snakes in line, attempting to correct the ones I'd already set straight. It became a supremely comical sight, like whack-a-mole, trying to keep these damn serpents in order. Frustration brewed inside me, and as I began to feel like a failure more and more snakes appeared. I was drowning in a sea of snakes.
Then the lightbulb went on and an epiphany struck💥. Managing these snakes did not require me to straighten them out or control them in any way. My wasted efforts was proof it was never going to work! Instead, I climbed out of the pit and simply sat there, lovingly watching the snakes twist and turn. That's all I could do; observe. I allowed them to writhe, I simply bore witness and felt compassion for each one of them. After awhile I realised there were fewer snakes in the pit, they were working themselves out! Ironically, it wasn't until I stopped trying to fix them, stop controlling them and putting them in a state that was not natural for them, that they began to dissipate on their own accord.
Holy Moly.... that's a lot to unpack! This powerful visualisation taught me, in the span on only a few mind-numbing minutes, that the best thing I can do to learn from, understand, and process my emotions is acknowledge them and stay connected to compassion for how I am feeling. Fighting them is not only futile, its only going to create new snakes and make them writhe and stew longer, with added energy to boot!
Thus, the pivotal question becomes:
Let's be honest, none of us make it to adulthood without scars, some visible and physical, but more often then not they're deeply emotional and lay hidden within subconscious levels beyond our wakeful mind. Crammed down there through years of suppression, snakes we were either scared or ashamed of, didn't want to pick up, accept or heal.... so we threw it down into the deep abyss of our subconscious and slammed the lid shut. Significant emotional turbulence arises much later in our lives as a result of this suppression, however, and we get triggered by particular situations, people and/or other stimuli that remind us of the trauma we couldn't face in our past. These unhealed excitable trauma-spawned snakes pop out of their pit to wreak havoc in the present, driving emotionally unintelligent and inappropriate behaviours like adult-tantys, erratic driving, biting remarks, diabolical passive aggression, greedy manipulation, defensiveness or blatant asshole-ism. We're either unconscious of what's fuelling these outbursts or consciously shameful at feeling these emotions, so we shove the them back down. Again, failing to acknowledge or attempt to soothe the pit of snakes uncomfortably squirming within us... opting to distract/numb ourselves with various other things instead (more detail on this below).
Still more disturbing, we can literally become 'stuck' in certain moods and begin building identities based on those emotional states. Take it from someone who wore a snake suit labeled 'Generalised Anxiety Disorder' for nearly twenty years. Going down the rabbit hole of exploring and healing my emotions was how I effectively shed that skin. It's not all doom and gloom, I promise. Though the statistics are against us, people can and do change, but f*$! we've got to want it! Working with the snake pit of our suppressed emotions is just one way we can start peeling back the layers of the awareness-expanding-onion and take ourselves on a worthwhile adventure for the sake of being a better person (aka less of a dick). To hear one of my own examples of what emotional healing literally sounds like, have a listen to My Day in The Sun.
So, what is this tool? I've mentioned it previously multiple times, and it's the concept of building Emotional Intelligence (EQ).
Here's each component in relation to our working analogy 🐍:
Awareness: How do I know when I'm holding the damned snake, and which snake is it?
Well, hell, this is what The Rabbit Hole is all about!! How can we hope to process, heal and let go of snakes/emotions we don't even realise we're clutching? The snake gets more and more agitated as we hold it too tightly or shove it down, instead of allowing it to naturally dissipate.
I'd strongly advise against trying to wrangle all the snakes in one go, nor is it necessary to go searching for these snakes, like I did; I'm admittedly nuts, and it's not necessary to match my self-development extremes 😆. Be kinder and simply wait for emotions to come up in real time, because they sure as shit will. As the snake arises ask it why it's there, and what it wants to teach us. Get curious about what drove that snake up and out of the pit... 🐇
To help get the answers, try these awareness building practices:
Part 1: How do I let go of the damned Snake?
Once we become aware of the emotions, we can begin to process them and let them go. Notice I say 'let go,' not shove down and/or ignore, that is emotional suppression. Ironically, most people are so adept at suppressing their emotions that we don't even realise we're doing it until we see an old flame or someone says the same phrase our mother used to use on us and we loose the plot as those snakes spring out of the well to bite someone's head off. This is why the awareness piece is so critical. We can spend years simply observing how we feel in the present then journaling about it or talking it out to understand why we reacted that way.
This one seems tough because it effectively necessitates 'being the bigger person' time and again, but this is what it is to truly display and role-model EQ. Don't get me wrong, I'm no saint! Heaps of shit that others do piss me off, a lot of things during my day may bring bouts of nervousness, sadness, anger, frustration, excitement, etc. The key, for me, is to remember and appreciate that others have their own unique lens and set of circumstances. All I can do is practice self-regulation, ask why I feel the way that I'm feeling, and stay aligned to my underlying emotional motivations (as explored next). Again, I'm not Buddha, I slip up and tell people to f^&$-off from time to time; but I also take full personally accountability for the social consequences of my words. 😂🙏💥
Motivation: Why would I want to learn from this snake? What will it teach me about myself, and why would I want to know?
Admittedly, my examples above give away how I approach EQ. My underlying motivation is to learn about myself in the interest of personal growth and development, with an overarching intention to authentically accept and love who I am. Why? So I can stop rail-roading the good shit in my life, be less of an Asshole to others, and most importantly, learn to put down the damned naughty stick, because I'm not perfect and never will be, and neither will anyone else! Holding ourselves and everyone else to standards that cannot be met has never served me well, and that isn't likely to change anytime soon. I do this emotional work to turn vicious cycles into virtuous circles, to transform mental illness into mental fitness; and I write about it in hopes of helping others discover the benefits of doing the same.
Everyone's motivations are different, but the common outcomes of developing EQ include greater enjoyment in all relationships, success at work, kicking unhealthy emotional habits and identities, a stable source of inner peace, and a genuine sense of security and self-esteem. Who wouldn't want that?! An ostrich, that's who! (It's a well known fact that ostriches detest snakes 😝)
Coiling It All Up 🐍
An emotionally intelligent adult is a Snake Charmer. Someone who loves and learns from all their snakes. Someone who recognises that there is no such thing as 'good' or 'bad' emotions. We have the ability to learn equally from pain and joy, certainty and confusion, insecurity and confidence, generosity and envy. There is no right or wrong way to feel, but there are destructive ways to behave when we don't know how to process the emotions we falsely perceive to be unacceptable. Charm the Snake, don't knock it over the head with a naughty stick. Thank the Snake for its story and for teaching us about ourselves.
There was a particular period of my emotional adventure when I profoundly poked the inner bear of my emotions, prompted by leadership courses taken as part of my career development. Well, that as well as an awareness through my history with anxiety that I, along with my entire family, have a proclivity for chronic emotional suppression. Step one of this adventure involved waking up to the dichotomous nature of my feelings and their origins. Now, step two necessitates managing and finding ways to cope, process and let go of these emotions in a healthy way so that I do not return to the realm of chronic panic or become prone to bouts of spontaneous rage. Effectively, developing into an emotionally mature adult. Someone who has their shit together and doesn't cry or become defensive at inappropriate times.
 |
| Interesting Fact: There is a distinct difference between experiencing emotions and expressing emotions. |
Significant shifts in my awareness typically result from strong visualisations I experience while running, meditating or listening to certain songs. The basis for today's topic is a prime example, and it succinctly and hilariously reflects who I am to my core.
From time to time I become overwhelmed by multiple and conflicting emotions, so with my new heart-felt intention to connect with my feelings on a deeper level I bravely entered the deeper layer of my consciousness to confront this inner turmoil.
On one such occasion, upon closing my eyes, I almost immediately found myself looking down into a pit of snakes; a writhing well of hundreds of snakes coiling in, around and amongst each other. It was absolute chaos, colourful yet gut-wrenching. Though afraid of the snakes and more than a bit apprehensive about joining the melee, I was steadfast. Determined to love, understand and learn from these damned snakes, each and every one, come hell or high water, I knew what must be done. I'd sort them out!
I saw myself literally roll up my sleeves and jump into the pit. Meticulously and methodically I'd pick up one snake, untangle it with care and reverence, and lay it on the ground straight as an arrow. Onto the next one I went, but the first would begin to twist and move back to its original entropic state. Regardless, I continued with fervor. Soon I was sweating with the effort of keeping so many snakes in line, attempting to correct the ones I'd already set straight. It became a supremely comical sight, like whack-a-mole, trying to keep these damn serpents in order. Frustration brewed inside me, and as I began to feel like a failure more and more snakes appeared. I was drowning in a sea of snakes.
Then the lightbulb went on and an epiphany struck💥. Managing these snakes did not require me to straighten them out or control them in any way. My wasted efforts was proof it was never going to work! Instead, I climbed out of the pit and simply sat there, lovingly watching the snakes twist and turn. That's all I could do; observe. I allowed them to writhe, I simply bore witness and felt compassion for each one of them. After awhile I realised there were fewer snakes in the pit, they were working themselves out! Ironically, it wasn't until I stopped trying to fix them, stop controlling them and putting them in a state that was not natural for them, that they began to dissipate on their own accord.
Holy Moly.... that's a lot to unpack! This powerful visualisation taught me, in the span on only a few mind-numbing minutes, that the best thing I can do to learn from, understand, and process my emotions is acknowledge them and stay connected to compassion for how I am feeling. Fighting them is not only futile, its only going to create new snakes and make them writhe and stew longer, with added energy to boot!
Thus, the pivotal question becomes:
How Do We Learn to Let Go of the Damned Snakes?! How do we Learn to Tolerate emotional discomfort? 🐇💖🙏
Let's be honest, none of us make it to adulthood without scars, some visible and physical, but more often then not they're deeply emotional and lay hidden within subconscious levels beyond our wakeful mind. Crammed down there through years of suppression, snakes we were either scared or ashamed of, didn't want to pick up, accept or heal.... so we threw it down into the deep abyss of our subconscious and slammed the lid shut. Significant emotional turbulence arises much later in our lives as a result of this suppression, however, and we get triggered by particular situations, people and/or other stimuli that remind us of the trauma we couldn't face in our past. These unhealed excitable trauma-spawned snakes pop out of their pit to wreak havoc in the present, driving emotionally unintelligent and inappropriate behaviours like adult-tantys, erratic driving, biting remarks, diabolical passive aggression, greedy manipulation, defensiveness or blatant asshole-ism. We're either unconscious of what's fuelling these outbursts or consciously shameful at feeling these emotions, so we shove the them back down. Again, failing to acknowledge or attempt to soothe the pit of snakes uncomfortably squirming within us... opting to distract/numb ourselves with various other things instead (more detail on this below).
Still more disturbing, we can literally become 'stuck' in certain moods and begin building identities based on those emotional states. Take it from someone who wore a snake suit labeled 'Generalised Anxiety Disorder' for nearly twenty years. Going down the rabbit hole of exploring and healing my emotions was how I effectively shed that skin. It's not all doom and gloom, I promise. Though the statistics are against us, people can and do change, but f*$! we've got to want it! Working with the snake pit of our suppressed emotions is just one way we can start peeling back the layers of the awareness-expanding-onion and take ourselves on a worthwhile adventure for the sake of being a better person (aka less of a dick). To hear one of my own examples of what emotional healing literally sounds like, have a listen to My Day in The Sun.
So, what is this tool? I've mentioned it previously multiple times, and it's the concept of building Emotional Intelligence (EQ).
What is Emotional Intelligence?
Well, I'll let the father of the concept explain it himself:
The Model
Here's each component in relation to our working analogy 🐍:
Awareness: How do I know when I'm holding the damned snake, and which snake is it?
Well, hell, this is what The Rabbit Hole is all about!! How can we hope to process, heal and let go of snakes/emotions we don't even realise we're clutching? The snake gets more and more agitated as we hold it too tightly or shove it down, instead of allowing it to naturally dissipate.
I'd strongly advise against trying to wrangle all the snakes in one go, nor is it necessary to go searching for these snakes, like I did; I'm admittedly nuts, and it's not necessary to match my self-development extremes 😆. Be kinder and simply wait for emotions to come up in real time, because they sure as shit will. As the snake arises ask it why it's there, and what it wants to teach us. Get curious about what drove that snake up and out of the pit... 🐇
To help get the answers, try these awareness building practices:
- Stay Present, and non-judgmentally observe the thoughts, feelings and actions (this is tough and takes a lot of practice)
- Have honest and courageous conversations with ourselves
- Ask others for feedback about how we are percieved by others, then compare that to how we feel we convey ourselves to others; a good ol' fashioned gap assessment!... And yes, this takes guts because there will be mis-alignments that will likely create snakes of their own 😉😣
- Practice self-reflection daily, either by journaling or recording voice memos; there is power in physical expression
- Meditation, learn to sit amongst the discomfort of our writhing snakes instead of distracting/numbing ourselves with Facebook/social media, eating, TV, smoking, video games, reading, gambling, exercising, drinking, driving fast, or any other colourful addiction/habitual coping mechanism
Part 1: How do I let go of the damned Snake?
Once we become aware of the emotions, we can begin to process them and let them go. Notice I say 'let go,' not shove down and/or ignore, that is emotional suppression. Ironically, most people are so adept at suppressing their emotions that we don't even realise we're doing it until we see an old flame or someone says the same phrase our mother used to use on us and we loose the plot as those snakes spring out of the well to bite someone's head off. This is why the awareness piece is so critical. We can spend years simply observing how we feel in the present then journaling about it or talking it out to understand why we reacted that way.
Regardless, we're humans not ostriches, so let's get our heads out of the f*&$-ing sand, shall we? Ignoring and/or suppressing emotions may seem like the easiest option at the time, but it'll lead to perpetually re-living those emotions when triggered because we chose not to learn from them the first time. Thus the unhealthy cycle continues... 💫
To escape those old emotional cycles we need to process the underlying feelings, but letting go doesn't just happen. If there's one phrase in the human language I'd set the flames of Hell upon it's: "Just Let it Go." Nothing makes snakes bust out of my eyes faster than hearing someone say this to me! Why? BECAUSE I DON'T KNOW HOW.... OR I F*$!-ING WOULD! Someone give me the damned manual on how to 'just let it go,' I'll follow it to a T and dot the I's for good measure! (And yes, I reflect on this myself a lot as I notice how much it infuriates me, haha 😅🐇)
To escape those old emotional cycles we need to process the underlying feelings, but letting go doesn't just happen. If there's one phrase in the human language I'd set the flames of Hell upon it's: "Just Let it Go." Nothing makes snakes bust out of my eyes faster than hearing someone say this to me! Why? BECAUSE I DON'T KNOW HOW.... OR I F*$!-ING WOULD! Someone give me the damned manual on how to 'just let it go,' I'll follow it to a T and dot the I's for good measure! (And yes, I reflect on this myself a lot as I notice how much it infuriates me, haha 😅🐇)
Letting go is a process and it's different for everyone.
(Refer to Empathy below)
Self-regulation necessitates that we understand what we require to process and let go of our slithery friends; shed the emotional skin and develop our EQ.
Here's a neat trick that might help. Our brains are miraculous organs but they can also be manipulated rather easily. Since emotions are energy in motion, we can literally, physically, 'let things go' and our brains will likewise release its hold on our snakes, allowing them to slither away and for us to calm.
Such releases include:
Part 2: How can I take care of myself while this snake is twisting away and making me feel uncomfortable?
Self care is an extremely valuable tool to help us sit amongst the uncomfortable, if not terrifying, snakes until we can learn from them, pay them the attention they need; allowing them to feel acknowledged and heard, after which they can slither into nothingness and leave us in peace.
I started practicing self care by asking myself: What makes me feel better when I'm uncomfortable with how I'm feeling?
Such things included:
Part 3: Consciously practicing Patience
Parts 1 and 2 help move the emotional energy around until we calm enough to regain the rational thinking power of our frontal lobe after its been hijacked by an emotional trigger and/or stress. The most common pitfall when dealing with emotions is that we feel the compulsion to REACT to them right away. A critical part of self-regulation however, is giving ourselves TIME to process. Hell, it can take years! Why so long, one may wonder. Because, we've been programmed from infancy to REACT in certain ways, over and over again, through emotional conditioning; and breaking those habits is bloody hard (dare I say impossible until we've gained some self-awareness).
I've personally mandated the 'sleep on it rule,' whereby I process the emotions through the natural sleep process and see how I feel in the morning. I acknowledge that sometimes it's not possible to sleep with all the snakes going ape-shit, which reiterates the benefits of the tactics above; we'll eventually get tired enough to sleep 😉💤. I chose this method because our brains shift their wave frequencies during sleep and this can impact the way we feel about things. Effectively, sleep can magically turn ten twisting snakes into a less overwhelming one or two, a much more manageable number to reflect upon and process.
Even in the absence of a good sleep, all snakes will dissipate to some degree given enough time. If we react in the heat of the moment, we'll likely end up saying or doing something we'll later regret, which undermines the entire EQ process and teaches us to suppress the emotion because it caused us embarrassment or other negative repercussions.
Empathy/Social Skills: Every human has a snake pit, maybe I shouldn't be a dick and fire up the snakes in others. Or, I'd rather deal with my own snakes then theirs!
Here's a neat trick that might help. Our brains are miraculous organs but they can also be manipulated rather easily. Since emotions are energy in motion, we can literally, physically, 'let things go' and our brains will likewise release its hold on our snakes, allowing them to slither away and for us to calm.
Such releases include:
- Write the emotive statement down on a slip of paper, then burn it or flush it down the toilet
- Hold a rock, pour the emotion into it (verbally or non-verbally, as preferred) and throw the rock off a cliff or into a body of water (my personal favourite)
- Lie on the ground, focus on a cloud and imagine it as the emotion, then watch as it changes and so will the emotion
Story Time!
Part 2: How can I take care of myself while this snake is twisting away and making me feel uncomfortable?
Self care is an extremely valuable tool to help us sit amongst the uncomfortable, if not terrifying, snakes until we can learn from them, pay them the attention they need; allowing them to feel acknowledged and heard, after which they can slither into nothingness and leave us in peace.
I started practicing self care by asking myself: What makes me feel better when I'm uncomfortable with how I'm feeling?
Such things included:
- Walking off the adrenaline, allowing my body to burn the energy created by the natural flight/fight/freeze response of an emotional trigger
- Taking a soothing bubble bath
- Watching a funny movie
- Being out on the open water
- Playing a game with a friend
- Crying it out in my closet, or some safe secure place (like my car)
- Sitting and journalling in a botanical garden
- Petting my beloved kitty, Shadow
- Going for a drive
- Venting to my sister or trusted friend
- Throwing, kicking and beating a punching bag 🥊
Parts 1 and 2 help move the emotional energy around until we calm enough to regain the rational thinking power of our frontal lobe after its been hijacked by an emotional trigger and/or stress. The most common pitfall when dealing with emotions is that we feel the compulsion to REACT to them right away. A critical part of self-regulation however, is giving ourselves TIME to process. Hell, it can take years! Why so long, one may wonder. Because, we've been programmed from infancy to REACT in certain ways, over and over again, through emotional conditioning; and breaking those habits is bloody hard (dare I say impossible until we've gained some self-awareness).
I've personally mandated the 'sleep on it rule,' whereby I process the emotions through the natural sleep process and see how I feel in the morning. I acknowledge that sometimes it's not possible to sleep with all the snakes going ape-shit, which reiterates the benefits of the tactics above; we'll eventually get tired enough to sleep 😉💤. I chose this method because our brains shift their wave frequencies during sleep and this can impact the way we feel about things. Effectively, sleep can magically turn ten twisting snakes into a less overwhelming one or two, a much more manageable number to reflect upon and process.
Even in the absence of a good sleep, all snakes will dissipate to some degree given enough time. If we react in the heat of the moment, we'll likely end up saying or doing something we'll later regret, which undermines the entire EQ process and teaches us to suppress the emotion because it caused us embarrassment or other negative repercussions.
Empathy/Social Skills: Every human has a snake pit, maybe I shouldn't be a dick and fire up the snakes in others. Or, I'd rather deal with my own snakes then theirs!
Fact, there are a finite number of human emotions. I can not create a new emotion (try as I might, I admittedly enjoy odd hobbies😝). If I've felt it, so has someone else. Conversely, anything anyone else is feeling, I have or eventually will experience at some point in my life. This is empathy, being willing to take a peek into someone else's snake pit. Our own, by comparison, may not become so agitated by what they're saying or doing because we've glimpsed the inner turmoil they're dealing with... but likely trying their best to hide. At the end of the day, we're all Good People. 💞
This one seems tough because it effectively necessitates 'being the bigger person' time and again, but this is what it is to truly display and role-model EQ. Don't get me wrong, I'm no saint! Heaps of shit that others do piss me off, a lot of things during my day may bring bouts of nervousness, sadness, anger, frustration, excitement, etc. The key, for me, is to remember and appreciate that others have their own unique lens and set of circumstances. All I can do is practice self-regulation, ask why I feel the way that I'm feeling, and stay aligned to my underlying emotional motivations (as explored next). Again, I'm not Buddha, I slip up and tell people to f^&$-off from time to time; but I also take full personally accountability for the social consequences of my words. 😂🙏💥
Lastly, while self-awareness is a worthy developmental pursuit to understand how we're thinking and feeling in and of itself, I view empathy as a collective-awareness wherein we can start to understand how those around us are feeling (from close friends and loved ones to co-workers and acquaintances). We can then use this information to go-easier on ourselves and others, and allow everyone the right to feel however we feel, whenever we feel it, without fear of internal or external judgments. This creates a safe environment wherein everyone can be open and honest, where real communication thrives.
Motivation: Why would I want to learn from this snake? What will it teach me about myself, and why would I want to know?
Admittedly, my examples above give away how I approach EQ. My underlying motivation is to learn about myself in the interest of personal growth and development, with an overarching intention to authentically accept and love who I am. Why? So I can stop rail-roading the good shit in my life, be less of an Asshole to others, and most importantly, learn to put down the damned naughty stick, because I'm not perfect and never will be, and neither will anyone else! Holding ourselves and everyone else to standards that cannot be met has never served me well, and that isn't likely to change anytime soon. I do this emotional work to turn vicious cycles into virtuous circles, to transform mental illness into mental fitness; and I write about it in hopes of helping others discover the benefits of doing the same.
Everyone's motivations are different, but the common outcomes of developing EQ include greater enjoyment in all relationships, success at work, kicking unhealthy emotional habits and identities, a stable source of inner peace, and a genuine sense of security and self-esteem. Who wouldn't want that?! An ostrich, that's who! (It's a well known fact that ostriches detest snakes 😝)
Coiling It All Up 🐍
I want to finish by planting some wee seeds. Life enhancing blossoms that EQ can help fertilise and nurture. Our external relationships cannot, and will not, thrive when our internal relationship is abusive and teeming with suppressed snakes that continually strike and pour venom into our sense of worth. When we don't recognise our value, we're not likely to take care of ourselves emotionally or experience empathy for others. For me, the number one rule for practising EQ became a determination to feel compassion; for myself first, then others. I realise that may sound selfish, but when we truly understand self-worth and compassion, that logical fallacy will melt away.
The net effect of practicing EQ is freedom from repetitive unhealthy emotional patterns and habitual detrimental mindsets. Achieved by allowing ourselves to learn from, process, heal and release our snakes, instead of suppressing and accumulating them like a Pandora's box of neurotic behaviours. Emotions are literally energy in motion; permit the snakes to twist and turn in turmoil under the protective gaze of our awareness, trusting they will work themselves out as we learn to see them as tools to mend old wounds. Our emotions are phenomenal teachers, wiggling away excitedly to let us know what we like and hissing in our ears when someone or some situation is not treating us as we deserve. They are gifts, not curses.
The net effect of practicing EQ is freedom from repetitive unhealthy emotional patterns and habitual detrimental mindsets. Achieved by allowing ourselves to learn from, process, heal and release our snakes, instead of suppressing and accumulating them like a Pandora's box of neurotic behaviours. Emotions are literally energy in motion; permit the snakes to twist and turn in turmoil under the protective gaze of our awareness, trusting they will work themselves out as we learn to see them as tools to mend old wounds. Our emotions are phenomenal teachers, wiggling away excitedly to let us know what we like and hissing in our ears when someone or some situation is not treating us as we deserve. They are gifts, not curses.
An emotionally intelligent adult is a Snake Charmer. Someone who loves and learns from all their snakes. Someone who recognises that there is no such thing as 'good' or 'bad' emotions. We have the ability to learn equally from pain and joy, certainty and confusion, insecurity and confidence, generosity and envy. There is no right or wrong way to feel, but there are destructive ways to behave when we don't know how to process the emotions we falsely perceive to be unacceptable. Charm the Snake, don't knock it over the head with a naughty stick. Thank the Snake for its story and for teaching us about ourselves.
Original Publication Date 09 March 2019, Revised 27 December 2022
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