Fathom 40: The Devil Inside

 

Part 1: Damned If We Do, Damned If We Don't

• Another Tarot-Inspired musing exploring the 'Material Demands' of life that can steal away our sense of Whimsy; leave us ignorant to our own Intuitive Callings 👿🔮
• Entrapment via material pursuits and/or Societal Expectation, and the plethora of nuance that Cultural normatives create 💎🔗
• Demonisation abound... What's 'Typical', 'Normal', where do we draw those lines? Will we Dare to be different? 😎🤪

Part 2: Wicked Whispers

• Exploring that relationship with our Inner Callings and considering environmental impacts... Are we 'Too Much' for the area we inhabit / people we're surrounded by? Do we make ourselves Small to 'Fit In'? 🤔🙈
• How my American Dad helped me see an alternate Perspective on our thoughts & narratives, our Inner Demons 🙉🙊💩
• Observing it's little more than the Threat-Triggered brain, a Shadow that calls for Healing 🙏💝
• Examples of my own Wicked Whispers,
• Internalised Ableism & Neurotypical FOMO 
• Being on borrowed time & Panic ... The IRONYof survivors' Guilt

Part 3: Mindful Anarchy

• Wicked Whispers as Good Intentions poorly delivered 😅💩
• SSASS-Y determination Drives me from these demons... sans the need for Pity 💞🐇
• The fine art & benefits of calling on these BULLSHIT on these thoughts... Mindful Anarchy! 💥💪
• We are not our thoughts, but we do get to CHOOSE which we take seriously and give Energy too; BE BRAVE, be a bit of an Asshole for Wellness Reasons instead of opting to be a fearful Prick 🦔🙏🙌

Key Question to Consider

Are Our Thoughts, Feelings and/or Choices the Source of Our Own Sense of Enslavement? 🤔🤯 

Fathom 39: Astounding Acceptance Array

Part 1: Acceptance and/or Understanding

• My evolution of Self-Acceptance through Identity exploration, TBI Healing & Experimentation; Knowing, FEELING, it's no longer 'optional' for my Wellbeing 💖😎꩜
• The Spectrum of Self-Acceptance, and how it relates to self-understanding... Which came first? 🐔🥚🤯
• Changes in acceptance as my understanding shifts over time, leading to my SSASS-Y Intention to finally sustain the joy, liberation, and sense of Belonging it provides... Which we all DESERVE 🙏💯
• The sweet spot... understanding ENOUGH to accept the rest! The only thing truly unacceptable about me, was that I refused to accept myself... IRONY 😅😇

Part 2: The Perks of Persistence

• Authentic joy, feeling happy for no reason; no longer trying to catch myself doing something 'wrong' 🤷🤔
• More Patience! Noticed by the lack of my usually extreme level of care & associated cortisol 😦😂
• The almost uneasy absence of Shame & Guilt, accepting my endearing Tizzy & Dizzy wild horseys 🐎🤪
• Confronting & challenging Neurotypical FOMO, life as ME - As SUMMER - Is the happiest life I can and will lead 🙉🙌 

Part 3: Conditional Courtship

• Being comfortable in our own Skin 😌👌
• Conditional couplings between Self Love & Self Acceptance; what internal 'domestic' spats look like 👿💔
• I can do no wrong, not anymore, because I'm Determined to back myself, my Values & my Intentions
• Small shifts in our internal dialogue can make SIGNIFICANT DIFFERENCES in our lives' experience 🙊💯
• Considering how external relationships reflect internal relationship 💘💞

Fathom 38: How Dare I?!

 

'What is The Most Daring Thing I've Ever Done?' 🤔

• Flying to coop, paying the Price of Freedom... on a whim; a Knowing 🕊️🔮
• Leaving the nest, paying the price for Honesty 💔💩
• Daring or cowardice is a matter of Perception, a shift signifies GROWTH ꩜🤯
• My SSASS-Y Self has a more Heartfelt Mindset 💖
• Remembering that Intention Matters, easing the fear that I made mistakes... I chose to live my Values, no regrets 🙏🙉

Fathom 37: Tizzy & Dizzy, The Divergent Tethered Twins

Part 1: Chariot Take Two & Tense Tactical Tizzy

• Revisiting the Chariot, Horseys and Driver with my own Spicy spin 💫꩜
• Google search inspired tears as I seek to Understand myself once and for all (Picture Evidence Below) 🤓😭
• Mystifying masking... Small wonder I felt confused & struggled to discern my particular flavours 🤔😳
• Getting to know Tizzy, my 'Tism... That silly shit that's addicted to routine & need control 💩😇

 

Part 2: Dynamic Daring Dizzy & Critical Couplings

• Dizzy comes by her name sake honestly... Everything all at once, all the time; all perspectives running (literally!) in parallel, constant Observation & Reflection... RELENTLESS! 😅😫
• Daring Dizzy & Tireless Tizzy, keeping the peace (unconsciously) by demanding their own time & activities 🤯
• It's finally time to tether through UNDERSTANDING, enabling SSASS-Y Acceptance 💞🙏

Part 3: Venturing Forth In Awareness & Gratitude

• Checking the couplings, hazards, intentions of each and giving both what they need to thrive, as one whole 😍😎
• Everybody has different types of horseys that can pull them all in different directions, but we're all capable of regaining control 💯💪
• Neurotypical FOMO... realising what's spooked my horseys my whole life, and made me perceive them as stunted, faulted; a dangerous and self-defeating Lie 😕🙉
• Finding, FINALLY, that I have the best possible combination to fulfil my potential 🥳🪽💖

Fathom 36: Patchwork Heart

 

Broken-Hearted Or Built-Up Beauty 🤔

• Differences between EQ and IQ & the analogical set up 💓🧠
• Reflecting on all the people/places I've lost in various ways 🤔😕
• Turning 'patchy' Pity into something far more beautiful, Beneficial & whole 😇
• My internal relationship's impact on my external 'patchy' history, how easily this was Misperceived leading to the internalised "Hot Mess" label 💩😅
• The power of SHIFTING MINDSETS & why it's tough to gain the Awareness required 💡🤯
• Relation to my SSASS-Y intention & staying aligned to this healthier 'quilted' and integrated mindset 🙏💝

Fathom 35: Chariot of Fire

 

Note: Full notes provided below to aid in absorption & processing of this rather neuroscience & Rabbit-Hole heavy analogy. 🤓

Disclaimer: These are my vlog notes, which are not up to my usual-highly pedantic & thorough-writing standard. 🤓🤓

Part 1: Set Up 🃏 & Limibic Lizard-Horsey Hybrid 🦎

• Tarot preamble (Enter Ctrl+F for 'Tarot'), lest we all climb up on our judgy-as high horseys.  The Healing modality that I know has helped me in the past and will once again support my 2026 SSASS-Y intention.🔮😇
• I interpret the two unicorns/horses as two distinct areas of our brains...If & when we allow either horse to bolt, we’re going to land in the ditch. 💩💣🛞
  • My Limbic brain is prone to bolting big time! As a horse, it’s a skittish-if not Prickly-horse. Constantly looking for a threat to respond to, to keep it stimulated in this otherwise rather dull world. Unfortunately since most people have relatively safe environments (food, water, shelter, Belonging, etc) it goes off track and Misperceives threats left right and centre! 👀🫣
    • I've come to Accept mine as very sensitive and generally fearful... whether innate GAD neurology or trauma Response, I can’t say nor do I believe they can be decoupled at this point. 🏇
    • Other people’s limbic horses may be more prone to freezing or flocking (i.e. wandering off to join other horses, aka people pleasing); either way it spells bad news for the direction of the Chariot! 🧊🐑

Part 2: My Pretty PFC Pony 🐎

• Then there’s the Pre-Frontal Cortex (PFC), our only hope of balancing the limbic system with open mindedness, consideration of the bigger picture and rational analysis. Unfortunately, this horse's growth takes much longer than the limbic horse, putting us on the back foot until our late 20s to early 30s. 🤦👎
• It also requires far more energy & willful care, meaning we’ll default to our limbic-leading horse until we Train our underdeveloped PFC pony enough to even the score a bit. In a word, this is deliberate self developement. ➖➕🙏😊
  • It has quirks of its own however, my pretty little PFC pony is prone to hyper-analysis, compulsively needing to seek meaning out of every tiny aspect of life, every look, every move, every word… obsessed with understanding every minute detail and solving every mystery…. As a horse, this looks like running in f#%@-ing circles. It’s not only pointless, it’s exhausting! 💩🥴
    • And as I already stipulated with GAD, whether this is ‘Tism based OCD neurology or ‘Just Me’… well that’s the f#%@-ing circle I’ve been treading for about 9 years. 🤪
    • I highly suspect there's a genetic component, however, since time spent with my American Dad recently, indicated his brains work very much like my own. 🧬
  • To be completely honest, I can't hazard a guess about other peoples' PFCs... how they intake, process and manipulate incoming information and stimuli.... I suppose this is where things like the Myers Briggs personalities and HBDI thinking preferences comes into play; we're all the same and yet slightly different. I've worked with 'big picture / yellow brains' and I find them equal parts chaos and genius. 🤷🤔

Part 3: Discerning Driver 🏁 & Alloy Alternative🪫

• Onto the Driver, because we're more than just our two brains, analogically those two Asshole equines! I hope everybody realises this at some stage in their life... these horses don't get to decide our direction! Left to their own devices they'll likely get magnificently lost and take us somewhere we never intended to go! 😵👈👉👇👆 
• So it won't surprise anyone that I feel it's the drivers obligation to BE AWARE, of both horse's tendencies (i.e. self knowledge), pace, and general direction. Without Observing our horses with attention, compassion, acceptance and a bit of humour, well... what hope does any of us have?! 😅😎
• To make Wellness based decisions, to ensure we’re not wasting our energy, repeating thoughts/emotions/behaviours that aren’t serving us and our lives in a beneficial way, means we’ll need to SLOW DOWN around life’s twists and turns, stay aligned to our core values and moral compass, and headed in a direction that inspires sensations of Empowerment & Pride. 🚦👮
• Please, I'm begging you, if/when we find ourselves flogging or brutalising our 'horses' with judgments and unhealthy discipline... STOP, REFLECT, CHOOSE KINDNESS & UNDERSTANDING. Like any animal (humans especially!), they'll respond far more favourably to positive reinforcement rather than negative punishment. 🙏💖
• A second, more modern, analogy was inspired by my PHEV hybrid car. 🚗
• When I need a sudden burst of power (Limbic System) the petrol engine flicks on, but when I drive consciously and considerately (PFC), my electric motor is usually all I need. 
• It’s worth understanding these motors operate differently, experience different forms of stress, and need different types of fuel. 💫
• They also have different capacities, meaning we can live under Limbic threat for much longer than our PFC can tolerate complex loads on our attention. Regardless, they both need attentive care, fuel and rest unless we want to end up stranded in the proverbial wop wops. 😢😱
• Another important consideration is the overall impact on the environment.... For me, I'd much rather spend the time, attention and energy to primarily use my electric engine since it has less harmful environmental impacts long-term. 🍀
• To be clear, in this analogy, the 'environment' is my mental, emotional and physical wellbeing! And son-of-a-bitch, one day the fuel for that petrol engine is going to dry up... so we must take sustainability into account at some point. 🔥😬
• Again, for transparency, this relates to those of us who actively engage our PFC, build neuronal plasticity, and keep our stress/threat levels low. These people tend to live longer and with a better quality of life than the 'petrol heads.' And take it from someone who unexpectedly suffered a TBI, it drastically improves healing time and coping with such injuries! 🛜🧠
• Conclusion: Slow & Steady > Crash & Burn, but to do this we must get to know, Understand and accept our coupled intelligence centres... ensure they're working with each other and not against each other. Simple words that require a lifelong Adventure. 🥳😎💞

NOTE: There are two other VII Chariot inspired works currently in creation!

1. Tizzy & Dizzy, The Divergent Tethered Twins [Links to Come]
2. Horsey Heart & Mulish Mind [Links to Come]

Fathom 34: Biological Belonging

Part 1: A Clinical Explanation for Gas-Lighting One's Self

• Exploring my SSASS-Y 2026 intention & obsession with labels... continued 😎
• A new awareness of Internalized Ableism (IA); how forcing myself to be normal ironically led me to psychologically implode at certain points along my lifes' adventure 🤔
• Coalescence into a common denominator... I don't want a label, I just want to BELONG & why belonging matters 💞 
• NOTE: The re-labeling system explained in The Reader's Guide 💡

Part 2: The Joy of Innate Belonging & Acceptance

• As within, so without; interesting insights into my previous 'Drivers' using this epiphany 🤯 
• Why all those historical labels never sated my curiosity & desire to Understand myself in deeper more meaningful way 🚫
• Being American in New Zealand, and how I worked to 'Belong' in a country that feels like home 🥀
• Overcoming weaponised Feedback & accepting that I'm not to everyone's Taste ... I'm Divergently different, labelled or no 🙏

Fathom 33: [My] American Dad!

Part 1: International Travel Tips 🛫

• Previous 'Fathoms' refer to an upcoming surprise trip... so ... Here I am, coming to you live from South Carolina! 🎈🎉
• A few choice medications to ease international travel woes 😂😎
• Fact, "America Runs on Dunkin'," Broncos & southern hospitality🍵🚙🙏

Nothing better than a bible belt coffee! 😇

Part 2: 'Humble' American Pie 🎂

[NOTE: The internet shat itself so the video ends at 5mins, not 6mins 💩]

• Turns out that previously held internal beliefs mentioned during travels in China & Japan, once discussed, turns out to be false perceptions 😅🤷
• Don't hate, validate! 🤔💭💞

Part 3: Perceptive Reflections 🤔

• Relational obligations, lest we succumb to confirmation bias 😅💩
• SHARE with open, honest & transparent communication
• ASK for confirmation instead of creating and/or believing assumptions & perceptions
• Exploring how past assumptions stunted our relationship & how grateful I am for this opportunity to reconnect... no longer afraid of being American 😇🙏💖

Photo Album

USA Surprise! 🥳

NOTE: Click 'FEED VIEW' to see pictures from specific posts (i.e. By day instead of entire album)