Suddenly I was about 7 years old awkwardly climbing out of my mom's car complaining about not being able to breathe. There was a sharp pain in my diaphragm every time I tried to take a breath. Such a vivid memory, we were at a state park in Alexandria Bay for a hot air balloon festival, I even got to take a wee ride in one! I remember many others times when this mysterious pain would randomly appear throughout my childhood. It was always the same, a razor sharp shooting pain if I tried to take a full breath. Instead I'd have to take very small inhales until it ceased as mysteriously as it had begun. My mother told me that night that they were growing pains, likely due to my extra rib floating around and poking me, which completely freaked me out. I became terrified that this stray rib would some day pop one of my lungs and end my young life. I've always been extremely proficient at worrying about shit I can't control.
So yes, physically, growing pains make complete sense, though despite earning a Masters of Science in Developmental Biology I'm still unable to validate my mother's 'extra rib' hypothesis. Regardless, we can certainly experience these bittersweet growing pains after a great workout. Who the hell goes to the gym with the goal of avoiding soreness or the satisfying feeling of exertion? During my personal training career I asked my clients to rate every session on a scale from 1 to 5 (5 being the best) and was continually astounded to find the more they complained about the pain and how gruelling the workout was, the more likely there were to give it a fully enthusiastic 5; all while cursing me with an ear-to-ear smile on their sweaty faces. I even had one client ask to adjust their previous sessions' score, wanting to raise it to a 5 from a 3 because it had caused them significant pain for 2 days! It sounds like masochism, but gym buffs and buff-ettes know very well that soreness after a session indicates we've sufficiently challenged our muscles to cause tearing, repair and growth as a result of the effort. The pain, by extension, evolves into sensations of both power and achievement.
For me, the most important consideration is the 'chicken and egg' nature of the personal growth and pain relationship. Figuring out which came first is not always easy. Sometimes we grow from a painful situation the Universe confronts us with, and sometimes we make a painful decision that leads us to grow (though it may take years!). A partner leaves us, we realise we need to leave our cushy high-paying career to practice authenticity even if we're broke as a result, a tornado rips through our home stripping away everything we've built, we need to pull the plug on a loved one.... In any instance, learning with a grateful heart is our best hope to pull through as a thriver instead of remaining in a victim mindset. Seeing them as opportunities to know ourselves better, modify our coping mechanisms and expand our resilience through a greater sense of inner strength and capability. We all do the best we can with what we have, we're Good People; practicing compassion in the face of pain based on that modest fact is enough to grow into a more whole, balanced and secure being.
So yes, physically, growing pains make complete sense, though despite earning a Masters of Science in Developmental Biology I'm still unable to validate my mother's 'extra rib' hypothesis. Regardless, we can certainly experience these bittersweet growing pains after a great workout. Who the hell goes to the gym with the goal of avoiding soreness or the satisfying feeling of exertion? During my personal training career I asked my clients to rate every session on a scale from 1 to 5 (5 being the best) and was continually astounded to find the more they complained about the pain and how gruelling the workout was, the more likely there were to give it a fully enthusiastic 5; all while cursing me with an ear-to-ear smile on their sweaty faces. I even had one client ask to adjust their previous sessions' score, wanting to raise it to a 5 from a 3 because it had caused them significant pain for 2 days! It sounds like masochism, but gym buffs and buff-ettes know very well that soreness after a session indicates we've sufficiently challenged our muscles to cause tearing, repair and growth as a result of the effort. The pain, by extension, evolves into sensations of both power and achievement.
So what of personal development and growing pains? That's right, holy shit is it painful! But this pain is a catalyst, a powerful stimulus for deep and meaningful change within our mental, emotional and spiritual psyches.
Challenging our conditioned and habitual thoughts, emotions and behaviours to grow into wiser people, taking deliberate control of our lives through conscious awareness, owning and loving the not-so-flash attributes of ourselves to remain authentic to our fundamental and heart-felt intentions is uncomfortable at best. 🙏💖🐇
I catch myself saying it a lot in my podcasts.... nothing I talk about sounds like a walk in the park or fun, but I always assert that it's well worth the effort. Why? Because I'm a completely different person, but f#$* if there weren't some serious pains in my ass along the way! A lot of people insist that others can not change. I insist that is utter BULLSHIT!. It's extremely uncommon because it takes courage on a level that is inconceivable to most, but it is very possible. I've demolished my sense of Self and rebuilt it multiple times, sometimes intentionally and sometimes not-so-much 😅. I've experienced complete mental and emotional breakdowns, and somehow, each time I bounce back stronger and wiser for having had the adventure. Hell, sometimes it's simply worth realising the hilarity of the situation once I'm through it and can enjoy a hearty laugh at myself. Particularly note-worthy are the tales of my first ever panic attack, addiction to caffeine in Uni, and brush with various psychologists; indeed, these are the most popular articles from my previous blog.
For me, the most important consideration is the 'chicken and egg' nature of the personal growth and pain relationship. Figuring out which came first is not always easy. Sometimes we grow from a painful situation the Universe confronts us with, and sometimes we make a painful decision that leads us to grow (though it may take years!). A partner leaves us, we realise we need to leave our cushy high-paying career to practice authenticity even if we're broke as a result, a tornado rips through our home stripping away everything we've built, we need to pull the plug on a loved one.... In any instance, learning with a grateful heart is our best hope to pull through as a thriver instead of remaining in a victim mindset. Seeing them as opportunities to know ourselves better, modify our coping mechanisms and expand our resilience through a greater sense of inner strength and capability. We all do the best we can with what we have, we're Good People; practicing compassion in the face of pain based on that modest fact is enough to grow into a more whole, balanced and secure being.
Four years later.... Nearly to the very day!
As I foreshadowed in the conclusion above, while physical pain leading to growth is rather obvious this is most poignant in light of the type of gut-wrenching pain that leads to increased self-awareness and growth of our psyches. The very type of pain most humans endure years of discomfort to avoid, ironically. Now after another of my own humbling life events, I reflect and observe the true evolution of myself mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually. There is a subtle difference this time however, this pain was not born of my typical cycle of self-sabotage, but rather a risk taken in full awareness. How else am I to practice what I preach? 😅🐇
I now understand that growth is a mindset, an ethos, one in which those courageous enough lean-in to whatever the situation is, cognisant of the risks and willing to take them; not out of some sick form of self-punishment but rather from knowing that we're strong enough to handle the worst should it happen.
And so here I am... I feel neither shame nor regret, only Gratitude. Gratitude on so many levels... for the adventures and love we shared, for experiencing challenges and growth together, for the ability to offer a smile with tears in my eyes and hurt in my heart, for the integrity it takes to walk away with nothing but my fundamental beliefs in honesty and trust, and for the emotional highs and lows that serve to deepen my healing pilgrimage and realising I'm finally able to float where I once fought and floundered.
If nothing else it's worth observing my inner fortitude with renewed respect and admiration. Extreme bravery is required to be fully vulnerable in life; it's the thrill, the fear, of a trust fall into the Universe... into myself. This is the ultimate Marshmallow Test, a willingness to experience pain for a greater purpose even though there are no guarantees, just TRUST. Without such stimuli, as painful as they may seem, it can be difficult to see the profound shifts we've achieved, the new mentalities and more mature emotions that now govern our actions. I no longer fear the grief of heartbreak as though it were Death itself, I embrace it... beacuse even as it breaks me, I can feel that pain create space for something new to grow... something stronger. 🍃💖🐇
Original Publication Date 02 February 2019, Revised 05 February 2023
